E-mail from me on Friday, July 26, 2019


FYI, about my decision about whether or not to remain in this place
1 message

Fri, Jul 26, 2019 at 10:05 AM
From: Me
To: Former “spouse” or “partner” (more like “spouse-in-law”)
Cc: Mother-in-law, Divorce attorney
Spouse-in-law,

Know that my hamstrung, unsatisfying, constrained relationship with my children per your whimsical wishes — what you’ve seen fit to put me through and force me to endure for more than half a year so far — have pretty much everything to do with how much or how little I see for me here. And if I choose to leave it will be as much your decision as mine. Don’t absolve yourself of even that responsibility in your pursuit of moralistic and ethical purity and your own personal recovery.

You pretend to value my presence in their lives and show me nothing for it, no evidence, just a pittance, just enough to make you feel like you’re doing something to back up what you pretend to care about. Maybe you should think about this at least a little bit while it still matters.

Since my relationship with my children is the only thing of value worth staying here for, if that were never to materialize in a meaningful (to me) way then a logical person would realize that I will probably leave. 
When you have in effect taken my children from me can you honestly pretend in your private fantasy that whatever happens afterward is not your responsibility at least as much as my own?

I have jumped through your hoops, based in fear and paranoia, for this long and I will not continue to do so, merely waiting for you to decide what kind of relationship you will allow me to have with my own children.

-Ali


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